xX_DrSwagClef的提案（真的是LordStonefish的作者页）
根据O5议会指令
下列文档描述了Maksur级异常实体
信息受5级机密保护。Maksur级信息的泄露被严厉禁止，且将对SCP基金会及其利益造成严重威胁。访问文件的人员须提供5级安保许可，并接受了对AZ109模因危害的预防接种。未能遵照者将在访问文件时立即遭致“携带者奥米茄”模因处决。
检测到生命信号。
检测到意识信号。
检测到不满信号。
确认已接种模因。
确认已尿裤子。
欢迎，监督者。
请在阅读本页面的同时享受我们的补充性飞机餐零食。
上帝宽恕我们的屁股。
这位就是那伟大的混蛋了，请看他那搞笑的小皇冠！
项目编号：SCP-001
项目等级：Maksur你去搞点屁股来。
特殊收容措施：与SCP-001相关之异常物品有关的信息应从相应的项目文件中省略。
所有与SCP-001相关的信息应被作为一致命的DANIEL/RADCLIFFE级认知危害对待，且只能以“唯知所需”原则提供。所有分配至SCP-001的人员需每三分钟接受一次记忆删除，以防止有关于“SCP-001参与基金会事务一事”的信息泄露。
SCP-001应被收容在Site 01一个3x4x2x km水生生物鱼缸内。一天应喂食他两次活鱼、虾和甲壳类动物，但不要恶心的鳚鱼非常感谢您。若提供鳚鱼，您会被螫到。
任何情况下皆不得让SCP-001靠近文字处理软件，否则将发生一场XK级地球炸裂轰隆事件。O5议会希望不及一切代价防止此事发生，因他们经常在六点钟一起喝茶，且若他们的原子裂开他们就没法这么干了。
描述：SCP-001是一化身为玫瑰毒鲉（Synanceia verrucosa）的厚颜无耻的作者形象。SCP-001自称为皇室成员，因此佩戴一个讲究皇冠。
SCP-001是一个狡猾的幕后指使，是诸如Dr Gears,
AdminBright,
djkaktus,
Roget,
Decibelles,
SunnyClockwork等知名写手背后的代笔者。据推测
DrClef为他工作，且站点管理员
thedeadlymoose事实上是他所控制的肉偶。据估计SCP-001已经写了整个SCP维基的85%，并且早在2006年起便引导它的发展方向至今——那时他给了
Moto42一些有关日本雕塑的友好建议。[META撸管数据已编辑]最近SCP-001决定用自己的名字写文档，反响毁誉参半。
他目前写了：
- SCP-2714 - （“天打雷劈！罪该万死！”），欲肉教设定下的一个小条目。它与丁丁有关，因为SCP-001很蠢瓜并且觉得世界需要更多丁丁。得到了毁誉参半的评价。
- SCP-2432 - （“客房服务”），这个恐怖故事使用了“破碎而不详的英语”这一烂梗、身体恐怖的烂梗，以及迎合18-24岁单身男子（也就是本站的典型读者）的烂梗。这是和酒店房间有关的。得到了一部分的高度评价，一部分的“这写得很好，但不是我喜欢的类型”的评价。毁誉参半。
- SCP-2817 - （“地毯大王的自我控诉”）一则简单的、有关一位D级人员和他小时候的怪兽朋友的故事。SCP-001向您担保这一篇不会有什么吓人的或者让人难过的东西。非常棒，但没有足够的人读过它。研究员猜测这意味着评价将毁誉参半。
- SCP-3000-J - （“家乐氏®基金会脆片™！”）一个与脆片有关的J。有些人觉得斯坦·劳雷尔和兰尼·布鲁斯被干了是世界上最搞笑的事情，其他人不觉得。评价毁誉参半。
- SCP-3999 - （“我于万物之中”）研究员塔罗兰应以SCP-001的名义为SCP-3999写一个简短的喜剧风评价。 SCP-3999是一个高分膨胀的skip，在圆饼的腌菜上深度油炸。评价 毁誉参半。评价 —不毁誉参半。
- SCP-2653 - （“香肠”）SCP-001是一个恶心的左翼份子，并且喜欢来点午餐。“闪光地平线”的一部分。请把掺半芥末酱递给我。
- SCP-3380 - （“科学、技术、工程学、神学”） A story about how devotion is the same everywhere, and how Kurt Gödel genuinely had mental problems. Co-written with
-9Volt-. Praised for outré surrealism and great dialogue, loathed for prodding neckbeards. E=MixedC2.
- SCP-3520 - ("Fourteen Orangutans") Praised by no less than the great
PeppersGhost for being a total nightmare. This is what happens when you eat a plate of mixed Oreos and then go to sleep.
- SCP-3796 - ("What a Wonderful Unification It Would Be") A disastrous attempt to cross early 60's soul, SCP-3125, and HiveFind. Most hated the technobabble, but at least one person liked it and SCP-001's ego appreciated that SO HARD so reviews are hella mixed, boi.
- The Kephart Arc - An ambitious effort to game the 2018 Jam Con with entries that are chronological on the Series III list. SCP-001 thought he was so clever for doing that, he didn't realize he never brought his A-game to the writing. A story about a corporation that owns the Zodiac Killer, parrotfish slaves, and Hormel Foods. Reviews are so mixed on this one it's not even a joke, they genuinely are so mixed people can't make head or tale of this. (geddit? no? s'fine its not even funny s'just a typo imma go cry now)
- SCP-3373 - ("Our Whole Universe was in a Hot Dense State") SCP-001 went to watch them tape Episode 4 of this shit at CBS and had a bad time. DJ Slimy and Roger are real people. Co-written with
Rimple. Inspired by a podcast recording which never came to fruition. Sorry guys, you deserved better. Bazinga. Stay woke.
- SCP-3672 - （“为什么有这么多有关彩虹的歌曲？”）A skip about character actors who never existed and also Enoch. SCP-001 is very very proud of this one and it might even be his biggest achievement. Rotten Tomatoes has a 60% critic score.
- SCP-2302 - (“笛兹”) In the wake of a momentous event hereafter termed THE BIG OUCH, a great many nasty conservative site members exodused to other communities where the SJWs (Sandwich Juice Walruses) could not yell at them for being naughty to people who deserved basic human rights. One of those guys, name of, oh I dunno let's call him Pon Vincier, deleted the original SCP-2302, which was an SCP-001 favorite article. This is a tribute to that article and a demon he conquered long long ago. Fish Stonepiro DESTROYS unanimous reviews with FACTS and LOGIC and NIGHTMARES.
- SCP-4012 -（“亦不愿教导万千星辰不再起舞”）To achieve the same results as reading this, go stand in an empty field alone on a clear night, blast some György Ligeti, and stare straight up. This is actually SCP-001's biggest achievement, and his official contribution to the Hall of Fame. Music, video, and poetry dance around the true nature of existence, and an attempt to tie the more out-there cosmic SCPs together. Originally titled David Lynch's Proposal, and was part of an unfinished ARG. Ask your doctor if Cosmic Horror is right for you. Reviews are mixed, however; a disappointing reception for a magnum opus.
- SCP-4930 - （“列侬/麦卡特尼”）Picture yourself singing skips set to music/with memetic Beatles that flow to your eyes/Lucy in the Comments with Downvotes!/Lucy in the Comments with Upvotes!/Lucy in the Comments with Novotes!/Miiiiiiixed!
- SCP-大蛋 Big egg funny. Big egg scary. Scrambled egg reviews.
- SCP-4302 - (“前掠食者”) An article about a terrifying murder and the movies and also why time hates the movies. This article is so obscure and confusing even the most vocal fans were like "huh?" More negative than mixed, but still very mixed.
- SCP-4701 - (“Well Yeet Me Mama Like A Wagon Wheel”) An article about yeet. A dying meme indeed, folks. Mixed reviews because apparently Bob Dylan is too boomer or something.
以及故事的方面：
- Amnestic（未译），一首怪B诗。它与
minmin的SCP-2747有关。有人会说收到的评价是毁誉参半的。
- Portrait of Two Choreographers（未译），一篇学习写浪漫角色的短文。最开始它是一则短的SCP，且文字是在一个闹鬼屋中实体化的。人们不喜欢那个版本，而这个版本更受欢迎。迄今为止，它有十分负面的评价和不错的正面评价。平均评价毁誉参半。
- Wade Williams Distribution Presents（未译），有关
weizhong的SCP-2006的另一首怪B诗。评价和掺了一半的饮料差不多好。掺半。
- 闪光地平线，正在连载的一篇实验小说。我只能在缪斯们决定像小蛐蛐宝宝那样跳起欢乐的舞蹈时写这个。包含SCP-2653和Wade Williams Distribution Presents这两篇。由于两篇故事的反响都不高，官方科学界称评价毁誉参半。
- The News Tonight: Wednesday April 26th, 2017（未译），闪光地平线的一则故事。有人认为结局太快了。有人喜欢世界观的建造。有人认为评价毁誉参半。
- Holy Mackerel An Ur-3999, polished a little as a curio. Written right when SCP-001 joined the site.
- UIU File 2014-014, a GOI about a giant shark, made the UIU finally interesting. Co-written with
- 毁灭, a trailer(???) inspired by China Míeville. Glittering Horizon is super dead and never stood a chance.
- (The Engine of a Film/The Fine Game of Nil), a forsaken
djkaktus joke made deadly serious so it could survive. Thanks kaktus! The news sections are a loveletter to
faminepulse whose work is adored.
- Grandchildren Frost, a Christmas gift for
MrWrong, based on SCP-2617.
- 威廉佩恩迭代, a 3999 tale. Knockoff bad Flannery O'Connor, and it's far too overwrought and edgy, but people connected with it and it probably helped the 3999 myth. Positive reviews, except someone insulted gay people in the comments and had to be disciplined, so mixed reviews.
- Excerpt From The Astrolabe Institute Journal, a fake GOI about memory loss and beating up defenseless animals. Very highly rated and some very good writing here. Part of Team Fuhgeddaboutit for the Doomsday Contest, now part of the Ad Astra Per Aspera canon. Mixed reviews for sure, but Cyantreuse does not match any existing user name rocks and still gives me hope and I love him.
- 石化, a mostly true creepypasta co-written with my mama for Gears Birthday. Mixed reviews by nature of it being a creepypasta.
- dado的asmr, hello yes this is dado owner and operator of fine dado product and also patisserie and birdo rental. dado have many fun time recording of the asmr and he steal karakter from cactus man and become huge live saturday night star sorry cactus man u loose. sequel not in dado contract unless dado agent negotiate with studio boss. dado here to offer u a fine deal on minx revue by dado. real small furry minxes singing and dancing of the ziegfeld folleys. minx revue by dado tickets 4 sale
- The DevourerLand Diaries, a Christmas present for Gaffsey based on SCP-4884. Reviews are nil, which by the laws of math equals mixed.
- xX_DrSwagClef的提案，也 就 是 这 个 作 者 页 了 WOOOOOOOO 骗 你 们 的（闭嘴一点也不好玩 -ed.）好 玩 得 很（不闭嘴 -ed.）各 位 这 超 他 妈 好 玩 因 为 放 ~~飞 自 我（这个网站的人们不是小孩了，他们是拥有成人的辨识能力的成人 -ed.）我 不~~稳 定（没错确实 -ed.）评价是玩笑开够了.jpg.
附录：
受访者：SCP-001
采访者：米克·E·"鼠"·洛克博士，鲁伯特·E.·"格林特"·猴子排序博士，门把手·E·"门把手"·门把手博士，这笑话·E·"太"·长了博士。
前言：啥？
<记录开始，啥/啥/██??>
洛克博士：啥？
SCP-001：啥？
猴子排序博士：啥？
SCP-001：啥？
猴子排序博士：啥？
洛克博士：(对着猴子排序博士) 啥？
SCP-001：啥？
(门把手博士没有回答，因为他是一个门把手。)
猴子排序博士：啥？
SCP-001：啥？
洛克博士：啥？
(门把手博士仍然是一个门把手。)
猴子排序博士：啥？
SCP-001：啥？
洛克博士：啥？
SCP-001：啥？
(门把手博士因为他的门把手性而保持沉默。)
SCP-001：啥？
SCP-001：啥？
SCP-001：啥？
(门把手博士门把手了一下。)
洛克博士：啥？
(洛克博士和猴子排序博士离开访谈室。SCP-001在死于呼吸空气之前被护送回他的鱼缸。)门把手博士: (三分钟的沉默) 一帮傻逼。我是这里唯一一个知道啥是啥的人。
<记录结束>
后记：洛克博士和猴子排序博士因反基金会罪而被立即处决，罪行是在他们的巧克力奶油派上加蛋黄酱，就和没有味蕾的异端一样。据报告，其临终遗言是“啥？”
