研究员Calvin的人事档案

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这不是研究员Calvin的照片。

附录:SCP档案

以下列出了研究员Calvin写作的SCP文档。研究员Calvin允许其他职员在写作其他SCP文档时引用这些文档。1

SCP-2785⸺自复制机器人⸺评分:+168
等一下!你还没有看到长除法的神奇!

SCP-3747⸺死于真空⸺评分:+117
这就是我要听的一切。

SCP-3095⸺鸟即真理⸺评分:+255
SCP-3095-1最早发现于纽约市,当时一有组织的鸽子团体正尝试将自由女神像占为己有……

SCP-3733⸺其他所有人⸺评分:+268
你能否解释“其他所有人”?

SCP-3833⸺欢迎来到山顶⸺评分:+64
关键不在于风暴,而是在于山。它在憎恨。

SCP-3248⸺谁杀了Sulley?(2018连写竞赛作品)⸺评分:+40
其尸体残骸之后被发现于临近的河中。无法认定死亡原因。

SCP-3485⸺Omega Messier⸺评分:+42
除了这些不同之处,SCP-3485拥有与无异常龙虾相同的内部系统,尽管在规模上这些系统被放大了几个数量级。

SCP-3296⸺漂泊游子(2018末日竞赛作品)⸺评分:+97
上帝已死凶手是鸟

SCP-3362⸺强制自我植入(2018末日竞赛作品)⸺评分:+136
然而,据猜测,该影响可能在基金会目前并未掌握的范围内出现。

SCP-4800⸺Midnight(2018年四千竞赛作品)⸺评分:+225
您能告诉我们什么,关于,嗯,外面发生了什么?

SCP-4799⸺流浪乐队的商人⸺评分:+70
我们是技术走私者。就像我说的,外头有很多不同的宇宙,不仅仅就是这个地下死水坑。

SCP-4048⸺我们得谈谈你的叉车执照⸺评分:+162
他就是问了我一大堆关于工作的怪问题。像什么“你上次登上斜线是什么时候”、“你有没有在挂挡时动过叉车”。

SCP-4948⸺在那微启的门后面⸺评分:+123
将这些门从测试间内移除的尝试失败。此后以水泥将房间填堵至今。

SCP-4148⸺太空瓢虫 (Bright的第一次挑战作品)⸺评分:+62
这时候正是SCP-4148-1的不常见的活动时期,据推测这是庆祝活动。

SCP-4248⸺字母表与俄梅嘎⸺评分:+124
已经努力说服过自己了,但我觉得上帝不会长有双翼或者鸦叫。

SCP-4348⸺dado汗包和薯调⸺评分:+165
dado在竞争对手之前送汗包与薯调来击败竞争对手,比竞争对手送汉堡更快。不能比过去更快了。泥相信dado。

SCP-4785⸺Infohazardous Cabinet⸺评分:+148
You know what, it may seem crazy, but I just noticed something. There's a door now, with a red circle on it, and it wasn't in the room before, but now it is now. It's humming a bit, and I hear voices behind it. They're yelling at me. I'll check it out.

SCP-4480⸺The Snake Doctor (2019老掉牙竞赛作品)⸺评分:+50⸺与Dr. Roget合作完成
Let's not be rude. They've been very hospitable for our every need.

SCP-3748⸺苍蝇碗⸺评分:+70⸺与Dr. Westrin合作完成
呃……没有。没有。不过可能也是个失败者。

SCP-4808⸺自发性犬显现(2019连写竞赛作品)⸺评分:+81
如果我的一生都是个笑话,那这他妈连个好笑话都不是。

SCP-4804⸺虚构的果肉(2019连写竞赛作品)⸺评分:+215
若对象开始相信橙子是虚构产物(编为SCP-4804-1感染)他们将开始主动否认橙的存在,称相信橙子只是一种苹果的变体、橙子是政府阴谋,甚至是完全不能感知到任何与橙相关的产品。

SCP-001⸺港口上的天空(2019连写竞赛作品)⸺评分:+394
[王/王子/受爱戴者],是时候醒来了。

SCP-4688⸺Manipulative Bike Helmets(2019合著竞赛作品)⸺评分:+148⸺与Dr. Mew合作完成
those helmets have been really cool with helping get my friends to get me more friends, but sometimes these friends complain i was hoping as the little genius you were you had something else to help like another toy? :)

SCP-4397⸺Medila's Altar⸺评分:+26
Wow, Danny, you were actually right.

SCP-4872⸺闪回错误⸺评分:+52
你能告诉我你梦到了什么吗?

SCP-5800⸺第五扇门(2020五千竞赛作品)⸺评分:+95⸺与Dr. MacWarren合作完成
什么?你认为我们锁了门,就可以把钥匙扔在一边了?

SCP-5981⸺核子市⸺评分:+65
该集受到了广泛称赞,对“核子市”的互联网搜索在该集播出后增长了超过5000%。

SCP-5054⸺Mr. P(拼尸竞赛作品)⸺评分:+64 ⸺在J1-13帮助下提交的文档
过了一段时间,我们有了领悟。是不是异魔物种—据我们所知—和章鱼长得很像呢?并不是。但,意外之间,我们散播了宣传品,说它们就是这样。

SCP-5483⸺海床收录措施⸺评分:+28 ⸺在Isaiah Howard Pickman帮助下提交的文档

我看过测量值了,海沟从我们下来这里之后已经生长了大约一厘米。从地质学角度来说,这个真的很大。

SCP-5025⸺How I Became a Martyr⸺评分:+15

You don't understand. There's a little bit of context here.

SCP-5680⸺鸟厂⸺评分:+45

嘿,给我画了幅画。这就是楼上的人在循环里要的,对吧?

以下列出了研究员Calvin帮助校对的SCP文档。

SCP-3339⸺Randall the Clown's Wacky Broadway Theatre⸺评分:+138⸺原作者为特工the_Brunothe_Bruno
This place used to attract kids by the hundreds. Every time I performed, I could count on an entire crowd cheering on my handiwork here, appreciating the show.

SCP-199⸺蕨类间谍⸺评分:+62⸺原作者为Mr. FlamesDr. Elliott
特遣队试图用火来烧毁这些植物;然而,SCP-199与火反应并爆炸形成成酸性绿泥,五名基金会特工受伤。

SCP-1037⸺腐蚀螺栓⸺评分:+34⸺原作者为研究员carbonCorecarbonCore
Following quarantine, the infected areas were destroyed through the use of explosives. However, the wreckage of the site began converting the surrounding Earth to SCP-1037-material. At the discretion of Director Moose, gasoline and fire were used to destroy the wreckage, as it proved to be flammable.2

以下列出了研究员Calvin喝芜菁汁喝高时写作的SCP文档。

SCP-579-J⸺微交易⸺评分:+144
[仅需1000TELEKILL,或支付15.99美元即可解锁描述和附录DLC]

SCP-4800-J⸺The One True God⸺评分:+82
In my dream, I was filling out my Form 1040. SCP-4800 repeatedly tried to force me to understate my income, thus committing tax fraud.

rsr_calvin_2.jpg

这也不是研究员Calvin的照片(Iapetus The AcausalIapetus The Acausal

rsr_calvin.jpg

说实话,你从哪搞到这些研究员Calvin照片的?

rsr_calvin_3.png

……(TheCassowary 不匹配任何一个现有的用户名

rsr_calvin_4.png

我发誓,我只穿过*一次*露臀装。(KaraKattKaraKatt

附录02⸺电子布加洛舞:

以下列出了研究员Calvin写作的机密事故报告,他准备将它们发布到fanfiction.net上:

一个小机器人能够做的⸺评分:+182
如果SCP-2785可以的话,他会因为兴奋而昏倒。

Vacation Opportunity (2018连写竞赛作品)⸺评分:+35
Are you tired of old, boring beaches? Is the sand getting in between your toes and getting to your head?

The Shape of Water is Humanoid(2018连写竞赛作品)⸺评分:+20
The Water Man was about to give his new new friends a great, big hug when a solid chunk of metal flew through his stomach.

加入鸟群(2018末日竞赛作品)评分:+105
第三个念头接踵而至,它提出了人类是否就是折翼的鸟这个问题,然后是第四个,第五个,第六个,最后Sam脑中只剩下了鸟。

自动化的故事:大鸟灾(2018末日竞赛作品)⸺评分:+106
SCP-2785看着面前的一群海鸥。他们穿着整洁的实验室的长袍,用集中的目光看着他,有着鸟喙而不是嘴。他试图想象其中一只海鸥微笑的样子,但是他的想象力很差,他想象不出来。

飞鸟录,第一部(2018末日竞赛作品)⸺评分:+60⸺与Lieutenant FlopsDr. AyersDr. Little合作完成
Hoygull尝到了战场上干燥、尘土纷飞的空气。鸟类部门余下的五十只鸟站在他面前,用榴弹发射器保卫阵地。发射器加装了三脚架,以便用翅膀,而不是用手操作。

飞鸟录,第二部(2018末日竞赛作品)⸺评分:+71⸺与Lieutenant FlopsDr. AyersDr. Little合作完成
倒计时:29秒……

Your Guard⸺评分:+44
Sorry, sport. It's been five fucking long years since that happened, and I still haven't gotten over it. Give me a moment to catch my breath.

Katz and Dogs(SCP OCT锦标赛作品)⸺评分:+44
WHY CAN'T I FUCKING DESTROY YOU‽

The Scent of a Toaster(SCP OCT锦标赛作品)⸺评分:+27
They smelled of aggressive mint, intimidation, and of their hatred for the toaster that had just stole their potential feast.

My Empire of Birds (SCP OCT锦标赛作品)⸺评分:+57
"Wait a tallied second," replied the doctor, "if— if I'm you, and you're, well, me, does this mean that, somehow, that old parallel universe theory is correct?"

Into the Beetle Black Yonder(2018交换艺术活动作品)⸺评分:+15
And there I was, piloting my hastily repaired spaceship through the skies, barely functional, through skyscrapers and satellites, all the while being fired at with a manner of assorted energy weapons, gunfire, and missiles. I consider it a miracle that I was able to escape the atmosphere.

恢复自平行宇宙的文档⸺评分:+43
我问过其它烘烤者,她们的记忆也不比我好多少。凯伦问我关于我奶奶的事,就是那位会做松饼的,我居然什么也说不出来。

Joey Fucknuts Steals The Declaration of Independence⸺评分:+45
…but, might I comment, your outfits seems a bit…. flashy.

Eric's Journal(2019合著竞赛作品)⸺评分:+60⸺与Dr. Mew合作完成
hey journal, why am I so nervous? I feel like somethings wrong

Three Feet Under I⸺评分:+16
Rhubarb Forest. Three hundred meters north of the schoolhouse. View of the cliff. Three feet under.

Three Feet Under II⸺评分:+14
No, no, no, we're not here to rob you. Why, we're doing quite the opposite! We're conscripting you!

Three Feet Under III⸺评分:+14
Diego hadn't even realized he was holding it.

从私人服务器上恢复的录像⸺评分:+56
这就是基金会为之奋斗的现实。基金会花了20年的时间,为你们的孩子变穷和我们的国库变空而奋斗。

围攻Site-19⸺评分: +69

//既然我来到了这里,我想阐明一下我们的一个目标。我们希望避免伤亡。要有头脑的人才能被基金会雇用,而如果这些头脑都被洒在了地上,那就太可惜了。 //

Moose on the Loose⸺评分:+24

Moose was visualizing the file in her head and trying to read the keywords off of it. She wiped some sweat from her brow and tried to focus. If she could just see past the motel door, she could maybe get a hint of what SCP-140-A was trying next.

附录03:我甚至不再试着在世界观内写作了

附录04:生前预嘱

当我从地球上消失,无法再进行重写/WikiWalk提案/等工作时,批准stormbreathstormbreath接管我在wiki上的所有贡献。他有权做出除了删除、添加与我有关的页面外的任何事情。

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